Seanna’s Story
Ryan and I have been together for 30 years and we always wanted a family. We have a full house and wouldn’t have it any other way. The first time I found out I was pregnant; it didn’t go to plan. I gave birth at 21 weeks to a baby boy we named Dylan, and he didn’t make it. A year later, to the day, we found out I was pregnant with Kerryn and when she was born, we knew we were blessed. I had Kori shortly after and then a big gap before Miss Frankie and Vinnie made an appearance.
Our family is very special to us. We think it’s important to talk about everything because we always want our kids to be able to come to us. We tell them we’ll work our way through things together.
In late August 2022, I had pain in my breast. I had never felt pain like it, so I went to see the doctor and they referred me to the Breast Clinic at Antrim Area Hospital. While I was waiting for an appointment my breast started to swell and eventually doubled in size. The doctor put me on an antibiotic in case it was an infection. The swelling went down but then I felt a lump, no bigger than a grain of sugar. My appointment was red flagged to the Breast Clinic and I was seen on the 19th of September.
After getting tests done Ryan and I went back to the clinic for my results. When I walked into the room, I saw tissues on the table and just thought, “Ok, what’s happening here.”
The doctor explained I had pre cancer cells in my breast and cancer cells in my lymph nodes which isn’t normally how it presents. They told me I had to have an MRI and I remember feeling terrified about that because I hate enclosed spaces.
We were taken to another room, and we cried behind our masks. Ryan and I just kept looking at each other and asking, “What is actually going on?” I don’t smoke, rarely drink. I couldn’t believe it. A breast care nurse came in and started giving us so much information. There’s a list of things I can’t even remember because it all comes at you at once.
I’m a very practical person. I don’t like things to be sugar-coated and my children are always my priority so I said, “Can you tell me, in no uncertain terms, what the worst-case scenario is because I have four children at home and I need to know, am I going to die?” She said she couldn’t tell me exactly what would happen but that there was a timeframe we would follow and lots of things we could do. We left with paperwork. Everything was just going through my head, the kids, the mortgage. I was worrying about everything.
When we got home, Kerryn and Kori were home from school and my mum was there. Frankie and Vinnie were outside. My mum took one look at me, and she just knew so I said we need to have a chat. We had decided to be open and honest with Kerryn and Kori as much as possible but when we sat down the words wouldn’t come out of my mouth. Ryan said your mummy’s been diagnosed with cancer, it’s rare and there’s lots of stuff to be done. Kerryn broke down and Kori just grabbed me and hugged me and told me everything’s going to be ok. My mum couldn’t look at me because she was so upset.
So many things were going through my mind. My dad had died suddenly from a heart attack the year before and he had had lung cancer. I was worried about bills coming in and critical illness cover. What helped keep me focused throughout my treatment was seeing my procedures being done. During a test my nurse showed me my cancer on a screen and I felt better being able to see it. I told Ryan, I know what it looks like now and I know what it is I’m fighting. I felt like I had faced my enemy for the first time.
I was pencilled in for surgery in October. Frankie’s birthday was 2 days after, so I just wanted to be well enough for that. I also had lots of mummy stuff that just needed sorted.
After surgery I was told I would need six rounds of chemo, one every three weeks then immunotherapy treatment every three weeks for a year. We tried to be as honest as we could with the older kids, and we used the book “Mummy’s Lump” to help explain things to Frankie and Vinnie. Vinnie was on Ryan’s knee and Frankie was on my knee and while we were reading the book to them, I could feel her starting to shake. Her friends had lost grandparents to cancer. She understood what we were saying, and she broke down. I just held her.
Vinnie is in the process of being assessed for autism and so he sees things a little differently. At the end of the book, the family go for a picnic on the beach and that’s what Vinnie focused on. He was waiting for our family picnic.
Throughout my treatment there were a lot of blips. Late appointments, misread CTs, changing oncologists. Information I was supposed to get but didn’t. It was constant.
Then one day I got a phone call from the school to say Kori had been in a fight. Another child had hit Kori during a game. We found out there had been another altercation earlier in the year where the same child had told Kori that he hoped his mum would die. When I got home Kori was in bits. He told me he hadn’t told us about what had happened in school because he didn’t want to upset anyone. That just broke me. I felt awful and I was so worried he was keeping stuff inside.
A couple of weeks later, Gareth a Cancer Support Specialist from Cancer Fund for Children phoned me and asked if we would be interested in support. I told him all about Kori and he offered to come out and meet the kids. We had a good chat about each of the children before he spoke to them. I thought this was amazing because Gareth was able to get our perspective before he worked with anyone.
He started chatting to us more. Kori went on a residential with Cancer Fund for Children last year. He was away from home for a few weekends and had an absolute ball. He loved interacting with the other kids, and said the activities were so much fun. He explained that Cancer Fund for Children help you work through your emotions, but you don’t realise it at the time. Kori said when you first come together as a group, no one wants to be the first to say anything. Because of the support he had received from Gareth, Kori was able to stand up, speak first and help everyone else feel comfortable. He was able to help, because he was helped. I thought that was just amazing.
Coming up to the end of Kori’s sessions with Gareth, I was folding the washing one day and Frankie came up to me, sat on the bed and broke down. I asked her what was wrong. She said she wasn’t doing so good. She broke her wee heart and sobbed sore and I held her and asked if she would speak to Gareth.
Later that day, Gareth dropping Kori back from a session and I asked to speak to him. I thought we weren’t going to be able to access his support anymore because we were coming to the end of his sessions, and I wanted to pick his brain about Frankie. But Gareth told me that he was here to support us, whatever we needed, and he offered to speak to Frankie. Frankie had been having night terrors before this. Her eyes would be open, but she would be asleep. She would run around her room, and it could take over 30 mins to calm her down. Our doctor told us to see if the sessions with Gareth would help and they did. After two weeks, her sleeping pattern settled. Gareth showed her breathing and mindfulness techniques that she still uses today.
We got to stay in Cancer Fund for Children’s short break centre, Daisy Lodge and it was amazing. When you have cancer, there’s a certain way people look at you. I call it the pity look. In all honesty, people just don’t understand or know what to say.
It was the first time I didn’t feel like I was a cancer patient. There were other families there and people looked at me like I was normal.
Each of the kids enjoyed different aspects of their short break. Frankie was playing. Kerryn loved the view. She kept the curtains opened at night so she could look at the stars and said, it felt like she could breathe again. You were able to talk to other people and even the kids talked to other kids and showed their wee emotions.
They say it takes a village and when we were at Daisy Lodge, we felt like part of a village. A village that was there to wrap you in their arms and keep you safe.
Throughout this whole experience, the kids have been through so much. The release Cancer Fund for Children have given them is just incredible. Our kids noticed that we didn’t have to pay for anything so now they want to fundraise so they can help other children feel how they felt. They understand how hard it is and they want other children to have that fun and freedom of being away from the ‘C’ word.
And Vinnie did get his picnic! We had a beach day, and we had our picnic and our wee toast. From then on, that child has had a 360 degree turn. He’s so happy and relaxed.