Norman’s Story
I’ve been with my wife for 30 years, and we’ll soon be married for 16 years. Our son Max is 13. It’s a small family but I would be lost without them. My family split up when I was young, so I always said that when I met Carrie, I met my family. My mother-in-law was my second mum, and I miss her daily. And my father-in-law, well I just say he’s like my dad.
Before I was diagnosed, my main symptom was hoarseness. I sounded like I smoked 40 cigarettes a day. The hoarseness kept getting worse and there were times when I couldn’t talk. When I look back, I notice other things. Like sometimes I would have felt there was something in my throat. I also had really bad acid reflux, so they thought I had stomach cancer at first, but I had tests and everything came back clear.
My wife pushed me to go back to the doctor. I kept saying “I’m alright.” You know the male thing of waiting for it to pass. But I had an appointment with Speech and Language and they red flagged me to the hospital. I had a biopsy and then I knew something was wrong. This was over Christmas and on the 5th January I was diagnosed with squamous cell carcinoma.
You hear about cancer, but you never think it’s going to happen on your own front door. When I was first told, I can’t even remember leaving the hospital. I remember being in the car and looking at Carrie and we were weepy. But I focused on the positives, which was that I was told it was a treatable cancer. I just wanted to get on with the treatment.
I had to go back on the 8th January for a pre-treatment assessment and that whole weekend in between being diagnosed and starting treatment was tough. I had to tell Max because I didn’t want him hearing it from someone else. If he hadn’t heard it from me first, I couldn’t have forgiven myself. I had to say “Listen son, I have throat cancer. But I’m here, and it’s very treatable.”
You get to realise what all the different departments do when you’re at that stage of sickness. Before this, I’d never been in hospital in my life. I had the odd wee bump and bruise but nothing serious.
I wanted to start treatment as soon as I could. You get your timetable of appointments, and you feel like a schoolboy again. I loved the early morning appointments. I used to get up, get showered, go in for treatment and then come home and go to the gym with a mate of mine next door. Sometimes I didn’t speak. I just went in and kept the head down but the people there were brilliant. They knew what was happening and they wanted me to just do what I had to do.
While I was going through treatment, I slept on the sofa in the living room because I didn’t want Carrie and Max to hear me up half the night and our wee dog Buster stuck to me. He was always more Carrie’s dog but he was my blanket when I wasn’t well. I would have been lost without him. He died the day before I went back to work, and it broke my heart.
I did everything I could to help the treatment work and I think it was my way of answering back to my cancer. I went to the gym. I forced myself to eat protein shakes and porridge because I didn’t want to lose my swallow. I wrote everything down and took notes on how I was feeling so I would know what to say to the doctors.
I had brain-fog and fatigue and my throat was on fire. They say chemotherapy is worse because it makes you sicker but radiotherapy is no walk in the park either. After a wee bit of time at treatment you start to get to know people and start swapping horror stories and you get your eyes opened to what really matters. There’s a woman who was in our group who’s no longer with us. She’s left a young family. It saddened me to hear that. My mate’s dad also died from cancer and his passing was a bit of a shock. He was so supportive to me when I was diagnosed. I feel lucky that I was one of the treatable ones. It’s a bumpy road but at least I’m still here.
Our Connections Support Worker, Michaela checks in and it’s nice to have someone there for me. We also went to Daisy Lodge, the charity’s short break centre. We went together as a family and Carrie and I also got to go to the health and well-being breaks which are just for parents. They were so important for us. Going through cancer, you feel alone and seeing other families at Daisy Lodge helped. During our breaks we went to the beach, the butterfly farm and we went to Newcastle. We made hand puppets in the family workshop. If you’d told me a wee while ago I’d have been sitting making hand puppets I’d have told you need your head looked at. But there they are.
Going through something like this scars you. My swallow is different. I still have brain-fog and fatigue. I’m in remission but I’m still scared that it will come back. It’s mad, the things that go through your brain. I call it my dark cloud syndrome. But you need to learn to keep that kind of thinking away.
When I heard about sharing my story, I just wanted to help one person. I want people going through cancer to know that it’s a bumpy road but it’s not the end. You’ll get there with the right people behind you and if you listen to the right people.
Everyone’s situation is different. All I can say is I was grateful for the family, friends and workforce I had around me. I was lucky to have them. Stick together, work out a plan with your team and take it from there.
