Christine, Sean and their three children, Gabriel (10), Caleb (8) and Saul (6) are sharing their experience of childhood cancer to raise awareness this Childhood Cancer Awareness Month.

We’re a close family. Gabriel is the perfect big brother. He’s patient and mild and always a good child; we call him Angel Gabriel! Caleb is a firecracker and was stuck to Gabriel’s side as soon as he could walk and talk. He just wants to be like his big brother. Then Saul came along and he’s just his own character. His older brothers dote on him.

Gabriel had perfect health up until the summer of 2021, when he was seven years old. He became very unwell on a family trip, which was unlike him. We considered a trip to the hospital on the way home, but his symptoms passed.

Then he woke up in the middle of the night in pain, so we went to the doctor and they told us he might be constipated. On Gabriel’s first day back to school, he woke up feeling unwell and clammy. I sent him to school as the doctors had said this could last for a while, but his teacher phoned saying he was getting worse, so I picked him up and brought him back to hospital where we were told the same thing as before. For the next 2 weeks we went back and forth to the hospital, each time we were told the same thing.

Then one day I encouraged Gabriel to go to the bathroom to relieve some of his pain, but when I checked the toilet, it was full of blood. I was terrified. Saul was starting his first day of nursery that day and Caleb had to go to school, so after I dropped them off, we went straight to the hospital where I insisted they do a scan.

I didn’t dream it was anything that serious. I never thought it was cancer.

This was during Covid, so I was the only family member allowed in the room while Gabriel was getting his scan. I remember it was so hot and he was screaming in pain while they were scanning him. They found a mass and called three separate staff in for different opinions. A horrible feeling came over me as they went to discuss it, but they reassured me that it could be one of many possibilities.

We were told Sean could come in and then they said Gabriel needed surgery to remove part of his bowel. It was a serious operation that would take hours to complete. We were told about the risks, the mortality rate, what we would have to do if it didn’t work. It was so overwhelming, especially after two weeks of exhaustion and constant hospital visits.

Gabriel went in for the surgery that night. It was awful. They had to cut the whole length of his tummy. He barely looked alive. He couldn’t walk or get out of bed after the procedure. We were told the removed mass didn’t look sinister, but that a biopsy would still be done. I was instantly relieved. It took a little while for the results to come back, which we were told was a good sign. Gabriel came home two weeks after his surgery.

We were supposed to have a post-surgery consultation, but we received a phone call to inform us that we were referred to the oncology department, who would be in touch. I asked what the findings were, but we were just told that oncology would share more information. I knew that oncology meant cancer, so I asked if that’s why we were being referred. They said yes, but that they couldn’t go into further detail. The call ended and we were left to process that information on our own. My world fell apart. My aunt had passed from cancer that same day, so it was just horrifying. I had to act normal because we were all in the house together and I didn’t want the boys to hear me crying. I didn’t know how to process it. I didn’t know how bad it was. I didn’t know anything.

I spoke with Dr. Johnson from oncology later that day. He told me Gabriel had non-hodgkin lymphoma. I had heard of it but didn’t know much about it. I was advised not to Google anything and instead received two websites to look through. We visited the oncology department the next day for an appointment, and everything went quickly from there.

We were in shock, but we had to act brave in front of Gabriel. Tests started immediately. We were told it was an aggressive cancer and that Gabriel would need extensive treatment. Within no time, Gabriel had a central line put in and his chemo was scheduled for 2^nd October, which was Caleb’s 6^th birthday.

They let Gabriel out of hospital the day before his chemo started to celebrate Caleb’s birthday. It was very hard on Caleb. We make a big deal of birthdays; meeting in my room, singing happy birthday, videoing the kids coming down the stairs to a decorated house. This year, Caleb was waking up on his birthday and his mum wasn’t there, his brother wasn’t there. It was a very different house. His dad did what he could but it’s still a strong memory for Caleb. He still says that it should have been the happiest day of his life because he got a Nintendo Switch, but he was too worried about Gabriel to enjoy it.

After that, he didn’t see his brother for months.

Gabriel was supposed to come home on 31^st October, the day of his 8^th birthday, but he ended up spending it in hospital because he was so unwell. His treatment was intense, but we focused on the plan and it helped us get through it, even as each stage of treatment tested his body more. Gabriel finished treatment in December and rang the bell on the 14^th, but it was after this that he got even sicker.

Gabriel got out of hospital for Christmas but was back in again by New Year’s Eve. He couldn’t walk or eat anything, and no one could figure out why. His treatment was over, his scans were ok, but he was losing weight by the day. Gabriel’s system simply wasn’t working. The hospital tried an NG tube, but food just came back up as soon as it hit his stomach. They tried injections, but his liver couldn’t break anything down, so that also made him unwell. He essentially starved because his body had been put through so much and his system couldn’t handle it.

It was hell. We’d had a plan during Gabriel’s treatment, but this was completely unknown territory. The staff were lovely, but no one could explain why this was happening. People asked about Gabriel because they thought he was better, and we had to tell them he was worse than ever. By the time Gabriel got out of hospital he had lost all his fingernails and toenails. He had holes in his armpits. He couldn’t walk. He couldn’t hold a pencil. This was the worst time. Gabriel’s independence was taken from him. He never wanted to be left alone so my husband and I never really had time to talk through anything because we didn’t want to upset him or the boys. I’d sleep in Gabriel’s bed, or he’d sleep with us.

He lost all his confidence. Even getting back to school was tough because it seemed like everyone had moved on whilst he was in hospital. Before getting sick, Gabriel had been a fast runner and played football. Now he couldn’t walk. It felt like he didn’t recognise himself anymore.

Then Cancer Fund for Children’s Cancer Support Specialists, Hannah and Lynn came out. Hannah spoke with Gabriel and Lynn spoke with me. Lynn was so lovely. I could say things to her that I hadn’t said to anyone else because I had always had the kids with me. She was someone I could talk to about my worries, about Gabriel’s school, his eyesight, his muscles. She helped me get Gabriel into physio and gave me a space where I could share everything that was in my head.

Hannah’s support for Gabriel has helped more than anything. I can’t even put it into words.

As soon as Hannah came to visit it felt like we’d known her forever. I thought Gabriel would be shy, but he started chatting straight away. He said things he’d never said to us and when she left, he couldn’t wait for her to come back. He went out with Hannah by himself one day. I was so nervous for him, but when he came back, he was so happy. Her visits helped him process how he was feeling. He started looking ahead and seeing the things he could do, rather than what he couldn’t. Gabriel had been referred to clinical psychologist, but by the time the referral came around he was a completely different boy, and that was because of Hannah.

It’s hard to describe the difference in Gabriel since he met her, but we saw it almost immediately. She brought energy back to his life. She gave him hope and challenged his thoughts of, “I’m back but I’m not me and it’s not the same.” She helped him see how far he has come. You can see that he’s grown from it and it’s helping with the doubts he’s had about himself.

Everyone is horrified by children’s cancer, but you could never have an insight into what it’s really like without going through it. During Gabriel’s treatment, I knew so many children taking the transfer test and their parents were stressing out and I remember thinking “who cares”, which I know isn’t fair. But I was watching oxygen levels, counting blood cells. People just have no idea.

It can be hard for people to help because it’s such a scary and uncomfortable subject and they just don’t know what to do. But this experience can be so lonely and isolating for the people going through it so we would say that sometimes just being there is enough.

During Childhood Cancer Awareness Month, I want to tell people – if you know something isn’t right you have to be insistent about it. Also, once someone’s treatment is over or their hair grows back, it doesn’t mean everything is back to normal. People think you’re either sick or you’re well, but that’s not true. Gabriel still doesn’t know why he hasn’t gone back to normal. His arches have fallen, the muscles in his writing hand aren’t the way they should be. His hip pops out, his eyesight is getting worse. People look at him and don’t realise what he’s dealing with. There’s so much that you’re left with after.

Gabriel is now preparing to sit the transfer test himself and we’re so proud of how far he’s come.

Donate this Childhood Cancer Awareness Month so we can be there for more families like Gabriel’s, when they need us most.